I’m a practicing Stoic. It makes sense to me that emotions are important, but should not dominate us, or the actions that we take in the world. As an individual this can be difficult to do on a day-to-day basis because we’re wedded to our emotions. As a human-centric leader, it’s important that we’re able to help people work through some of the tough emotions that they’re going to experience in the workplace.

Many of these emotions come from things that are directly outside the control of ourselves;

“Of all existing things some are in our power, and others are not in our power. In our power are thought, impulse, will to get and will to avoid, and, in a word, everything which is our own doing. Things not in our power include the body, property, reputation, office and, in a word, everything which is not our own doing.” – Epictetus, Enchiridion, 1

Probably one of the most famous, if not thee most famous of all Stoic remarks. I was reflecting late last month about what it meant to me as a person and subsequently, what it meant for me as a leader.

I’m a man who struggles from anxiety and overthinks things. Anyone who has had a problematic leader in the past will probably have that twinge in your brain that you get when someone raises things against you. Or, when you get the dreaded “Hi, do you have five?” can send your heart rate rushing from 50 > 150 in seconds.

Sounds silly, but these are the types of issues that keep people awake at night and subsequently even jumpier in the mornings.

I decided to delve a tad deeper into my own personal understanding of why this spike in anxiety and worry happens so quickly.

• What questions are going to bring me the most anxiety?
• What personal thoughts do I think that person has uncovered?
• What ball has been dropped and subsequently discovered?

What will be the consequence of the above?

• I’m going to get fired.
• I’m getting fired!
• I am definitely getting fired!

You can see where my brain instantly goes. Fun.

But those questions left me really curious as to what the antithesis of those things are, and how do they relate to human-centric leadership. I’ve mentioned before that a reputation as a human-centric leader takes a lifetime to build and mere seconds to demolish spectacularly, those questions lead directly to those thoughts or actions we all get from time to time that may cast doubt on the meanings behind our words or actions.

So, what do we think my hangups became?

• I’m going to be challenged on my knowledge, and be found wanting publicly.
• I’ve mis-messaged someone, and it has been taken the wrong way / upset someone.
• I’ve missed some work and the organisation is in trouble.

They’re all pretty natural things that can lead to consequence. They’re things we’re all quite guilty of as well! We’ve all bluffed our way through a meeting with a “PHEW!” at the end, we’ve all messaged someone about the banality of a meeting / individual, we’ve all dropped the ball on a piece of work (or for the engineers out there, dropped a table in Prod…)

Each of those leads to consequence. A sudden influx that forces you to know a lot more very quickly, a rebuke from a peer, a chastisement from a boss (or a grumble from a Senior Engineer who rollsback the change) – They’re the consequences of actions, what matters is our response from talking ourselves down from the most catastrophic of responses (Go back and read mine…)

• How we respond to these mistakes when seen, matters most in the moment.
• How we reflect on these mistakes, matters for growth.
• How we prevent these mistakes, is what matters most eternal.

But most importantly? Are those issues genuinely in my control, or not? – What is the response to that?

If it’s not within my control, then there is a bigger problem if I am getting lumped with blame/issues (You could say your behaviour around the accusation / issue is importantly in your control, then your drive to solve the problem is too). But often, your response to these issues is what is directly in your control. The hyper-vigilance on my part is within my control, providing I combat it with the right behaviours.

So with all that about <control> – Have a review of the above fears and what is the way I can approach it from a position of control?

• You cannot nonsense your way through or to wisdom, you must be a subject-matter expert in your relevant area. You must be comfortable offering your solutions, suggestions and saying out loud, “I’m not sure, let me check for you…” – Anything more is bluster, it will simply lead to anxiety.
• You keep your own opinions of the individual to yourself, you do not partake in office politics or badmouthing. If you are around it, you do not allow yourself to be dragged into it / taint your opinions or behaviour. – It’s hard to do in the modern workplace (especially when people demand feedback constantly), but you cannot allow yourself to be dragged into politics, you or your reputation cannot afford it.
• You are diligent with your workload. Communicating overwork, difficult or even problematic workloads that you may get on your plate. – You’re only human, you need to balance the workload and communicate doing so. If you do not, then you will not be dilligent in your work and role and thus will give yourself something to worry about.

Each of the above is a genuine response to how we should behave on a day-to-day basis. They are things inside my (and your) control. With that? I can ensure that that I do not need to worry the next time someone gives me the “Have you got five?” message.

When thinking about this topic more deeply, I wrote in my journal “With Character and Duty done, then no judgment can harm you.” I enjoy writing prose (it helps), but it means what it means. If we abide by a good character and we do our duty to the best of our abilities (and seek to solve problems with them), then we have naught to worry, especially in the workplace.

I mentioned in a previous post about the traits that a human-centric leader should have. Congruence (Honesty/Integrity) in all things is one of those big pieces. I think the Stoic approach (The Dichotomy of Control) can help human-centric leaders to maintain their integrity and behaviour that they need most in the modern world of the workplace. Part of that is having both emotional understand and resilience when you’re faced with really tough and quite emotional decisions, both big things any leader is going to experience. A sidenote of approaching things like this? You can use it as a great mentoring strategy when people come to you for guidance or advice.

You’re also still going to get things wrong, that’s absolutely fine. Get things wrong, make mistakes, drop tables or break them… people won’t remember, but you definitely will. I will leave you on this article with the most modern, most powerful philosopher to teach you about that bit…

Until next time…